cable crap

as some of you already know, some friends amongst you are smarter than others. and some others, utter geniuses. and me, one of a kind special.

long story short, i came back without one half my power cable (didn't even realize i had brought it home - i know), and an extra camera cable (not mine).

so. with 48 minutes worth of battery time left (aka 29% - eek!), i bid you all au dieu until such a time as when i can rectify this grave mistake.

typical huh.

ps. anyone wanna save my sorry ass and help (please!!), please please do. i make my IOUs worthwhile, really.

night before

for the record (for ian's anyway) the answer is no.

there.

and that last thing you said? i'll remember that, for the record. mister MW. (i'd say what it is, but that's exactly what you'd like isn't it, you W types... why i know, is another thing altogether)

on a completely random note, and also for the record just 'cause i'm on a pattern here, i sure am glad to leave behind my mosquitoplagued skin and reacquaint myself with thatwhichalmostneverseesthesun skin.

signing off from kl, nights out with midoricranberry's here i come!

i'm off to sit by a window and try and will it to pour no end (the rolling thunder is being such a tease) one last time before i leave. toodles.

under my skin

there's this scene in a walk to remember - some will know the movie cuz you're incorrigible fuzzyromance junkies, some cuz you need to know what mushierthanprisongruel flicks you wanna stay away from - where mandy moore's character tells shane west's her secret (or not so secret) list of things to do in her lifetime.

this is not a post about wish lists, although it relates, although i have one (scrape wish; make it to do).

for jamie (moore), some were:
befriend somebody you don't like.
be in two places at once.
get a tattoo.

one night, some distant future into the movie after wishlist is forgotten, landon (west) takes jamie for a would-be random, very mysterious car ride to apparently the middle of nowhere. fastforward some hundred thousand miles, he takes her hand, starts running, and finally positions her into the middle of the deserted road. to her quizzical looks, he says, Okay, right now, you're straddling the state line, then motions to a sign behind him that says 'Welcome to Virginia'. You're in two places at once.

the script then reads:
Everybody's dancin' in the moonlight
They're both grinning like idiots. Too cute. Jamie laughs and hugs him. He picks her up and spins her around. (Awww.)
Dancin' in the moonlight Everybody's feelin' warm & bright...

[did i mention i love that song? some songs you love for its musciality, some for its sentimental value. this one, for me, has both.]

my point then - never mind that i am blatantly and shamelessly lured within the dewy trappings of romance - is that i want to be in two places at the same one time. and that it is only the very last shreds of will in me keeping me from throwing a hissy fit this instant. so you see, boys and girls, beware what it is you keep close to your heart, for if they do not coincide (geographically, in this case), you may well end up like me, and take my word for it - it's a messy, messy business.

open ended

your move.

short note from sick nit

contrary to plans of leaving for melbourne come sunday, i'm now here til wednesday morning. which, really, means tuesday. but i digress. in a nutshell, it's a whole lotta hassle for an extra three days. or two. in which case, even more a hassle. though i very much appreciate the extra time.

too bad i think i'll have to keep second-round-last-time-catch-ups in view. the body is weak where the heart is willing.

back to my bed and new poetry book...

hangin' with da glamour puss

a certain somebody who i will not name *koff* had me up to nonsense today. first we poser maximum at some high-class arabian restaurant to completely waste a two-person buffet (read: nibble on). verdict: very so-so. oh wait, the desserts were puke-textured puke-tasting puke-worthy bowls of... puke? (the "decent" ones were um, non-arabian chinesenewyeartype cookies cream caramel local fruit. which, not being arabian, makes its decency definitely in need of inverted commas). make that under so-so. that's not to say we didn't have fun (read: chatting in all our usual blonde glory; exchanging notes on unmentionables; temporarily stealing a lil 4 year old arabian girl from the next table and fatally corrupting her already vain self* into ultimate irreversible vanity).


and then, because that was simply not enough, this certain unnamed person led me like a trusting lamb into can-you-guess-where for two bloody bucks a pop. which in turn, led us to staying in this have-you-guessed-where-yet far longer than necessary, like this guess!-guess!-guess!-dammit even qualifies as a hangout. on second thought, seeing as that i was plied no end on how datins celebrities the famous and such only frequent this one particular joint, perhaps it is the-place-to-be-by-name-dropping-reputation.

one hint: all other such joints are free and decent no less. and decent is a fair hint, if you have any knowledge of malaysian norm (i'd say culture, but really) at all.

still without a doubt, had a ball, crime-partner!

*she was totally dolled up, got mummy to let go her hair so she could show us, had her weeny fingernails professionally manicured, need i say more?

why did you let me go?

has got to be one of the saddest questions i have ever heard.
so much left unsaid, but i think it be something nothing can help despite.
for what words suffice, really, to dictate the myriad and intricate sentiments which must exist and to which even their owner cannot properly express?

college kaki

the 4th year down and counting.

of feelings and such

i wonder from time to time why it is we're capable of mixed feelings. yes, i know the one playing a part in defining the other argument - it is happiness which makes sadness sad, for without happiness, how would we know to compare its opposite state and thus feel sad when we do yadda yadda. but that's not what i'm talking 'bout. i mean concurrently opposing feelings. bittersweet. pleasurepain. lovehate. in some way, the argument is the same. bitterness makes the sweet sweeter. pleasure makes the pain more real. you can only hate with such viciousness someone you love so much. i get it. we walk a fine line of paradox in life.

actually, i like paradoxes. ironies. simultaneous counters. i like it so much, in fact, i have to try hard not to be crassly obvious when using them in writing. that, and my creative writing lecturer had little or no appreciation for it. meaning, basically, i got marked down for it. several times too many (hoohum, creative license mah ass).

still, life would be a whole lot simpler if it were straightforward (and for those of you would-be but life is so beautiful the way it is, with all its complexities and challenges - do. not. start. ignorance is bliss. oblivion, better still).

if we weren't so pulled apart by incompatible feeling, things would be a hell of a lot more easy. i swear blondes have it better. and not because they have more fun or are more attractive.

is i is or is i not me?

a friend recently commented i've become a lot less feisty of late. thought about it, and i think: i still am, or can be anyway, as and when the right catalyst comes along. trouble is, time and responsibilty (for me, or for those who used to play catalyst) are real robbers of times past.

it is because it is past, that there exists the possibility of fond memory, bittersweet melancholy, treasured recollection. still, sometimes, i wish the world didn't operate the way it does.

----

"The brain appears to possess a special area which we might call poetic memory and which records everything that charms or touches us, that makes our lives beautiful." Kundera, Unbearable Lightness

----

i want to feel quietly happy. more. i liked how it felt before.

----

my sis (the forced accomplice) and i are working on a major scan job. we've been scanning lots of bell bottoms, big glasses, bigger hair, and verrry cute kiddie pics (fine, she cute, me funny) like no tomorrow.

and this is only the beginning.

more on this to come...

----

catching up is great, especially when you get to grill. right, a certain you-know-who-you-are? did i mention i'm appointing myself official sponge cum advisor of (un?)wanted er, advice?

----

alex, eky, vernon, and all who may now be joyous:

for some strange reason or other, she who will not be named seems to have abandoned her camera. she's not even sure where it is, and the batteries are certainly not charged. it's gotten so severe that she feels deathly sick and disgustingly photo-free and keels over onto the floor, moaning that she feels sick. really, really sick. oh god, she thinks she's going to die! it's great.

maybe it's just the case of muggy local weather. in which case, alex, don't pop the champagne just yet.

----

i think i want to write poetry again.
not that i ever stopped, really.
but i want to put myself into more of those experiences which make me write, the way i used to write, all over again.
those who know, know. and to them i ask - any takers?

feeble resolve

i haven't made a new year's resolution in years.

this year, i'm making one i don't even want to. already all of me realizes that i will without a doubt, regret deeply my effort at this half-hearted attempt (and i almost never ever regret). but i'm doing it because i must.

i must, and a little bit of me dies with it each passing day.

...

did i say pretty pleased? take it back.

what, too rollercoaster for your tastes? well then, leave. this is my blog.

pretty pleased

why? oh, you know my shmucky self.

paralysis

i hate it

when i've worked out my thoughts, know all the words, come to (painful) conclusions, made decisions (in view or despite)

and push comes to shove

and it all falls away

it all falls away

i hate it
and i hate me

new year blues and realizations

never thought i'd be saying this, all the more precisely because of current location, but i am bored. to. tears. that's the tip of the iceberg anyway.

makes me appreciate who and what i have there more. know for a fact, in fact, what i'd be doin if i were there right now. and who i'll be doin it with. (ooh. that sounds... nevermind)

here? i wished things were different. i know the whole change is inevitable spiel, people things circumstances evolve. guess the heart has to accept - if not be happy about - what the mind already knows.

the hard part is wanting to.