Cranky about crap

Everyone who knew thought it mad. The irony about the fact that my business is about writing, words and language - the English language, to be exact - was not lost on many. But one's gotta do what one's gotta do, so I tottered obediently over to IDP for my IELTS exam - because one should never be too confident, or get cocky about her (in)abilities, and just so I could say I have done it twice, all five wonderful years apart. Never mind the blatant money-making scam it is. Never mind that I was meant to be there at bleeding 8 in the morning for an exam which wasn't to start til a good hour or so after. Never mind that the doors were far from opened at 8... or 8:05... or 8:12... or 8:20... Never mind that I had been there already two days prior, having jammed there a good part of the day under the merciless sun for the disgustingly short interview bit of the exam.

But here I get bitchy, and don't say they don't have it coming.

The head invigilator was how shall I say, a pit bull.
She was short.
Her hair was very short.
Her manner was really short.
Her English-speaking skills were considerably short.
Her etiquette was non-existent.

If IELTS wants to take on such representation, then that's their funeral, but I think even the most understanding contractors won't be smiling if they heard her bark (in her super cina, ego-tripping, exceedingly crappy-diction style and voice): Okay evibody welcum ladies and gentlemen to IELTS test MY004 conducted by IDP Education P-T-Y L-T-D (wtf?) is a nice holiday you do your exam then you can go home you won't have to see our faces anymore...

She went on, by which time I was so appalled I cannot now remember what else she said, though I recall thinking she seemed to think she was talking to a bunch of pre-schoolers. Ok, I also remember grumbling inwardly about how condescending her behaviour was, and rolling my eyes at how she must think we are a bunch of dumbnuts and she, the champion of all the IELTS earth.

I do have memory of her choice of style in running everything: distastefully unprofessional.

First, there was unceasing emphasis in literature that we were not encouraged to bring anything valuable with us to the exam. No mobile phones in the exam hall, no pencil cases, lost of anything of value was to be at our own risk, yadda yadda bullshit.

Like anyone listened.
Not because we revel in rebelling - just how prehistoric a business do they think they're running?
Stupid unrealistic morons.

There are things of value we modern day folk carry about with us each day as a matter of necessity, but no... "Put your warlets and your kar kees on the floor under your taybers evibody!" Mobiles were long thrown out of the bargain, having been self-bagged and tagged in recycled envelopes and surrendered to invigilators to be unceremoniously thrown in a big pile on the floor outside the exam hall.

Now mind you, the place where the exam was conducted was one specifically created to be an IELTS centre. It wasn't some makeshift place the conductors had to rent like it was five years ago. There were at least a hundred candidates that morning, and I dare say, the exams run pretty bloody frequently. No one sets up an IELTS centre for IELTS exams that run just twice a year now, no?

The thing which irks me most is the fact that they know beyond a shadow of doubt that just about every candidate would be ignoring their advice. And why? They clearly prepared a gigantic stack of envelopes, marker pens, and paper for those who brought bags to write their names on and have the paper stapled somehow onto coresponding bags. All of which were also unceremoniously dumped with the envelopes.

Evidently, some people don't believe in lockers. Or order. Or taking care of other people's property.

Or developing a half-decent system.

They had no clear system to the registration, and every random victim or so fell prey to she-Hitler's booming voice and public embarrassment for seemingly undermining her authority and bypassing certain steps of protocol. Hardly surprising (but still very irritating) that they withheld us after the exam was over to pick up enevelopes and bags one by one by one by one and call out the name on each over each others' voices, outside the entrance door at the side of the exam hall, whereupon the owner was to produce his or her IC to prove ownership of belongings.

All that and only just about the before-and-after's of the exam. Ask me and I will act out in person how she underminded her colleagues, embarrassed more candidates and power-tripped her way to the top all the live-long day.

All I can say is she better fucking not be an examiner correcting anyone's paper. Especially not mine.

NB: I often get flak from dad for having a go at my very wanting home country. But I think they deserve it for being so very stupid at times. Don't get me started on how those in the service-line are incapable of taking the simplest instruction repeated in English and Malay, and their pathetic response to a problem. Clearly, common sense and logical thinking don't factor high in the industry here.